Snippets of Zero
by See Mohn
Summary: Snippets of various crossover summons. Some humorous, some more serious (mostly humor-based)
1. Chapter 1- Kakashi

_Snippets of Zero- Chapter 1_

Guiche watched as the oddly dressed man the Zero had summoned entered the makeshift arena of the Vestri Court. "Well, commoner, I'll give you credit. It takes courage to enter a battlefield knowing how outmatched you are."

The man gave him a distinctly bored expression… or at least he assumed it was such. The mask covering the lower half of his face, and the headband tilted to cover his left eye, meant only his right eye could be seen, but there was little mistaking that heavily lidded glance

Guiche continued. "Out of respect for your courage, I'll give you a moment to draw your weapon of choice. Or, if you'd like, I could give you a sword."

Without taking his… eye… off Guiche, the man slowly reached into one of the pouches on his vest. Despite being a fop, Guiche was still the son of a general and knew how to prepare for combat, if only to a slight degree. As such, as the hand inched out of the pocket, he grew more and more tense trying to determine what sort of weapon the familiar would be using. _Such a small pocket could not hold more than a small dagger, but that would only be effective if he gets within extremely close range. If I keep my Valkyries between us, he won't be able to get close enough._

And then the familiar pulled a small orange book out of the pocket and the tension was utterly destroyed. Guiche dimly noted Louise falling over out behind her familiar. "…What are you doing?" he asked, completely dumbfounded.

Without looking away from the book, he responded. "Reading, of course. What else do people do with books?"

Utter confusion was beginning to give way to anger. "We're having a duel, why are you _reading_?"

"To find out what happens, of course. Don't worry about me, we're still dueling. Go ahead and attack."

And now anger had taken over entirely. "You _dare_ mock me further…" Guiche angrily called forth three of his Valkyries and had them rush straight at the utterly infuriating familiar. "You will suffer for this indignity!"

The golems charged and swung their swords in unison, only for the familiar to effortlessly evade them with only minimal movement- still with his nose buried in the book. This continued for nearly a full minute, Guiche's rage growing even further, until, with a roar, he conjured three more golems and had them join the fray.

As the now six Valkyries swarmed the familiar, Guiche smirked… and then the man _vanished_. "Wha-"

"Super hidden secret Konohagakure FINISHING MOVE…" The voice came from directly behind, giving Guiche an instant of sheer shock and terror.

"THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!"

Though the results of the duel were quickly an enormous source of mirth within the school, Guiche was sure to pay every single person in the academy, servants and teachers included, a large sum of gold to ensure it was never spoken of outside of the school.

Louise, meanwhile, was torn. On one hand, his conduct was incredibly bizarre, and even somewhat appalling. On another hand, he was clearly strong, and he later revealed that his hidden eye could determine the problems with her magic. On yet another hand…

"STOP READING THOSE PERVERTED BOOKS WITH THE MAIDS!"

**For those unaware: Kakashi Hatake, from ****_Naruto._**** The big problem with this duel, of course, would be getting him to show up on time. And I can't bring myself to describe that technique in any detail. (And yes, the books are literally porn. In chapter 407 of the manga, we see snippets of a few random out-of-context sentences from one of them. The results are both hilarious and disturbing.)**

**And no, not all of the snippets will be this short or silly.**


	2. Chapter 2- Homura Akemi

**Pre-chapter note: Giving the character's name at the beginning of the chapters from now on just to make it simpler.**

**On another note, it is unbelievably gratifying to get emails about my story being favorited and/or followed. So to those who did, thank you so much. It's a fantastic feeling.**

**Snippets of Zero: Chapter Two**

**Homura Akemi**

* * *

"_Homura-chan, I need to ask a favor of you_._"_

Echoing in the peace that was her afterlife of sorts- Madoka had finally cleansed her soul gem of decades of corruption and allowed her to finally, _finally_ rest- Homura heard her best friend's voice again- but this time it was a bit different than her usual visits, seeming nervous and apologetic rather than tranquil and happy. But even so, she could never resist that voice.

"What is it, Madoka?"

"There's another world that the Incubators have never touched, a world with magic. I've been watching it, and there's a girl there- she has a lot of potential magical power, but she doesn't know how to use it, and she might fall into despair before she learns how to properly control it. If that happens," and here Madoka closed her eyes, "she might become something like a witch, without anyone capable of stopping her. I need you to keep her from falling into despair. Be a friend to her. Help her. Can you do that for me?"

Well, if she'd thought about denying that request, those last six words had utterly removed even the slightest possibility of it. Giving Madoka a smile, she gave the one answer she could. "Of course."

* * *

Of course, when she was summoned, she hadn't expected to have all of her old arsenal back- the feel of the familiar time-stopping buckler and the awareness of the many, _many_ weapons she'd stored within its pocket dimension over the loops gave her some comfort. There were some initial concerns, but when the thief had attempted to steal the supposed Staff of Destruction from the academy's vault, Homura had finally been given a chance to prove her abilities. And the expression on the headmaster's face when she called the rocket launcher an antique- she was used to much more modern JSDF weapons- was priceless.

When explanations were finally given as to the true nature of Louise's magic, the girl had been floored. And when the runes on her hand had been revealed as giving her instinctive knowledge of any weaponry she held- it took quite a lot of self-control to suppress Homura's glee- really, it was like several amazing birthday presents in one fancy tattoo.

* * *

Unfortunately, that Sheffield woman just had to ruin it- apparently news of a Void mage somehow spread to Gallia, where another Void user, this one a king, and his familiar decided to attack preemptively in an attempt to either remove or control her- it didn't really matter which to Homura. All she knew was that Sheffield was an enemy. And that was all she needed to know as Tabitha's dragon sped across the plain with herself, Tabitha, and Louise on her back, fleeing from the absolutely colossal metal golem Sheffield was riding. Honestly, this reminded her of an anime or two she'd seen back in her original life.

"Tabitha, can Sylphid go any faster than this? She's catching up!" Louise's frantic voice broke into her thoughts.

Tabitha shook her head. "Can't, not for long." Homura quickly mentally translated the concise sentence. _If Sylphid flies as fast as she can, she might be able to get to a good distance away briefly, but she'll exhaust herself. On the other hand, if she keeps flying at a normal pace, Sheffield will catch up._ Scanning the fields ahead, she saw a hill up ahead- and formulated a plan.

"Have Sylphid get atop that hill as quickly as possible. I'll take care of it from here."

Louise gasped and looked at her in shock. "What?! You can't beat that thing! What could you possibly do against something like that?"

Homura looked calmly at her. "You'd be surprised. Just trust me here. Please."

After a long moment, Louise relented. "Tabitha?"

Tabitha was already directing the Rhyme Dragon toward the top of the hill. As soon as she felt them accelerate, Homura clapped a hand to the buckler, stopping time and sliding off of Sylphid's back to the ground not too far below.

Quickly reaching into its storage, she withdrew her weapons of choice. Specifically, rocket launchers. Many, many rocket launchers- the ones she'd used in that futile last assault on the Walpurgis. And as she prepared her salvo, she had one thought.

_I'm going to enjoy this far more than I should._ But really, given the opportunity for a revenge of sorts- an assault on a colossal, supposedly indestructible enemy, except this time she could actually _hit _the damned thing- she was wholly justified in her satisfaction.

From Louise's perspective, it took barely a few seconds. Homura was telling her she'd take it on alone, then she was _gone_, and then the evening sky lit up like it was noon as the loudest sound she'd ever heard- the resounding _boom_ of countless explosions- assaulted her ears and then Homura was beside her again out of nowhere, looking away from the second sun and covering her ears. As the light and echoes of the explosions died down, Louise closed her eyes and shook her head to reorient her senses, opened her eyes again, and gasped- as did Tabitha- in utter shock.

The massive golem and the woman riding it was simply gone. In its place was a smoldering crater even larger than the monstrosity had been.

Homura turned around, surveyed the destruction, and allowed herself a small serene smile.

Louise, it seemed, was not as calm. "Wha-what- _what was that?!"_

Homura glanced at her and Tabitha, still smiling. "Remember the Staff of Destruction?"

Tabitha looked at her blankly. "…Yes?"

Homura's smile widened. "Think seven hundred of them."

* * *

**I'm aware the Jormungand has a crazy barrier thing in canon FOZ- I'm pretending for the sake of creative liberties that it could be broken by a ludicrous degree of force.**

**I made the Jormungand come before the Albion war because every time I tried to imagine her fighting in an actual war, I imagined her timestopping her way to a complete curbstomp. Although the prospect of using the stadium-of-landmines trick against the Saxe-Gotha army would be hilarious. **


	3. Chapter 3- Brook

"Excuse me, miss…"

Kirche von Zerbst was no stranger to being propositioned. In fact, she was likely to get more, ahem, "proposals," in a week than most, if not all, of the other girls in her school did in a year. As such, she had heard quite a wide range of pickup lines from an even wider range of people, and there was almost no combination of the two that could make her bat an eye. Therefore, anything that could render the redhead speechless would certainly be one of two options- either it was a near-literal Adonis whose passion could rival hers any day, or, well…

"May I see your panties?"

That. More specifically, that, coming from a walking skeleton that stood nearly twice her height, dressed in a formal suit, including a top hat- that, against all odds, sat atop an enormous afro.

Honestly, Kirche could be forgiven for staring blankly for several hours, even after the man/skeleton/?- left.

**I don't even know where this came from.**

**I am working on another snippet, but it might take a while- it's an attempt at actual serious content.**


End file.
